"Protesting by not Wearing Red"    09/30/04
I had gotten an email from the president of the university I attend, telling everyone that they should wear red, white, and blue to show support for the upcoming presidential debate.  I decided that I hated the whole idea of the debate, and although I love wearing the color red, I would not wear it on this particular day because I wanted to protest.  I began getting ready to go to school and put on what I thought were non-red clothes, but then I realized that although my visible clothes were not red I was wearing red underwear.  I couldn't stand the thought of wearing any red, so I got undressed and started over.  My second outfit involved jeans, which I realized I couldn't wear because they were blue.  So finally I put on a third outfit.  I felt very happy about this outfit until I looked down and saw that my shoes were red.


"Helping Men Write Wills"    09/29/04
I worked for a company that provided a 900 number that men could call for assistance when writing their wills.  Several men called me and I helped them, but they all left money to Pam Anderson.  I eventually realized that this company I worked for was quite evil.  The men were leaving money to Pam Anderson in hopes that they would get a chance to meet her, but I knew they would never get that chance.  I actually couldn't believe these men were so naive.  Many of them would ask me how much other men typically left to Ms. Anderson.  It was as if the various men were competing with each other.  I really didn't want to give the men advice about this subject because I knew my advice would not help them achieve their dreams of meeting Pam Anderson.  I felt as if I were working for a company that sold porn or prostitutes and decided that I needed to quit and look for a new job.


"Abandoned in Favor of J's Virginal Girlfriend"    09/21/04
I was standing in the kitchen of a house where J lived when he walked into the room.  I hugged him and we stood there for what seemed like quite a long time.  He seemed a lot taller than he is in real life.  I told him that I missed him, and he said he missed me too.  But then he looked at his digital watch and said he had to get going.  I asked him why, but he wouldn't say exactly.  All he would say is that he was busy.  Then his cell phone rang.  It was his girlfriend calling.  After he hung up he told me that he was meeting up with her soon, so he had to leave.  I said that I wouldn't have ever thought that he could have a relationship with someone that virginal.  He kind of gave me a strange look.  I knew that his girlfriend wouldn't let him touch her because she didn't love him, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him that because I knew he would misinterpret my comment as jealousy.  I probably should have told him, just to prevent heartbreak for him.  Instead I just watched, feeling disappointed, as he left.





"Almost Lucid: Staying at My Uncle's House with a Jessica Simpson Look-alike"    09/19/04
My family had on a vacation to visit my aunt and uncle.  Inside their house I stood by one of the windows and looked outside to the ground.  I had thought that we were on the second floor, but when I looked out I saw that we were really on the first floor, although I could see basement windows below.  My parents and aunt and uncle were busy chatting, but my uncle encouraged me to walk around the house and take a look at all the rooms. I went into what appeared to be the master bedroom where there was a blonde girl sitting on the bed.  I apologized for intruding, but she invited me inside to talk to her.  I sat on the bed with her and stared at her hair as she spoke, mesmerized by its unnatural dyed blonde glow.  After she finished speaking I told her she looked just like Jessica Simpson, but then I apologized and told her that I didn't want her to think I was saying she was stupid like Jessica Simpson.  She said she understood.  I then excused myself to continue touring the house.  I walked into another large bedroom, which might also have been the master bedroom.  I walked into the beautiful bathroom attached.  It was tiled in white and lit by skylights.  I thought it would be so beautiful to take a bath in the large marble roman tub with the room flooded by sunlight.  Along one rounded wall of this room there was a large white curtain suspended from the ceiling.  Out of curiosity I pulled the curtain back and immediately felt terrified.  This bathroom was overhanging an Olympic swimming pool very high up in a stadium.  The entire stadium looked dark and gray, and I was afraid that if I stepped too close to the half-wall of the bathroom I might fall into the gray stadium.  At that moment I thought maybe I might be dreaming, but I felt too afraid to test my fear by jumping.


"Japanese Olympic Swimming Relay"    09/14/04
I was in a large mall that had an atrium with an Olympic pool.  A bunch of swimming teams were standing around, except the team from every country consisted only of Japanese women, except for me.  I was the only non-Japanese person.  I couldn't understand what was going on.  There was a lot of arguing in Japanese and no one was getting into the pool.  I decided that while I was waiting to get started I would go shopping in the mall, despite the fact that I was wearing a swimsuit and swim cap.  The first store I went into was a French store where only French was spoken.  I could not communicate with the store clerks because I do not speak French, so I went back to the pool, afraid that everyone in this mall spoke languages I didn't understand.


"An Abused Pet Rabbit"    09/14/04
I had a day off from school and work so early in the morning I took the metrorail to a gift store to go shopping.  When I returned home my mother and brother were there and the house seemed to be chaotic.  I heard some noise behind a chair, so I moved the chair to see what was going on.  Behind the chair I found a small white rabbit wearing a black leather collar.  The poor creature was bleeding because the collar was too tight, appeared to be undernourished, and was supporting itself mostly on its front paws, leading me to believe its back paws were wounded.  I asked my brother when we got a pet rabbit.  He told me that we had one for a while, but my brother really seemed indifferent.  I began screaming at my brother for not taking better care of a pet, and then I attempted to remove the collar and clean the animal up.


"I Am the Blonde Olsen Twin"    09/11/04
I was walking around a large mansion with a crew who was doing a TV show featuring celebrity houses.  We were apparently in the Olsen Twins' home because we walked into what appeared to be a young girl's bedroom and saw the blonde Olsen Twin standing in front of a gigantic Barbie mansion on the floor.  She began telling me about all of the features of her Barbie mansion as I desperately tried to remember how old the twins were.  I couldn't believe that someone at that age would be proud of playing with Barbies.  After a long monologue about the Barbie house the girl began leading us up some stairs to show us the rest of the house.  At that moment I realized that I was just like the blonde Olsen twin.





"My First Trial"    09/04/04
I had recently become an attorney and was at work at the courthouse when I was informed that my first trial would take place today.  I rushed to the courtroom, although it was already late in the day.  The judge told me that the charge was first degree murder and that the defendant was a minor.  I was totally unprepared.  I asked the judge if I could have some time to get organized before we began.  I attempted to write down the names of all of the witnesses and to make a timeline of the alleged events for me to refer to.  Edward eventually walked into the courtroom and said he would be helping me with this trial.  I had originally felt glad that I would be doing the trial on my own because that would give me practical experience, but I now felt relieved that Edward would at least be there with me.  There was a discrepancy in the facts in the police report as to whether the girls' parents had been sleeping or not when she committed the murder.  It was strange, but I did not know who the victim was.  The girl's parents and her brother were sitting in the courtroom and I was worried that they would overhear me talking to Edward about the case.  I asked Edward if I should argue in the alternative regarding whether the parents were sleeping.  Edward was not very helpful.  I looked at the courtroom clock and saw that it was already 6:00 p.m., so I thought that jury selection would start tomorrow.  This made me feel extremely relieved because I would now have time to actually prepare.  I realized that it didn't really matter what verdict the jury returned because the girl would basically only get a slap on the wrist because she was a child.


"Teaching the Beyoncé Case in a Law School Class"    09/02/04
I had apparently graduated from school and become a law school professor.  I was standing in front of a large auditorium of students whose names I did not know.  I was asking questions and when they would raise their hands I would call on them and ask their names.  I realized that this process vaguely resembled jury selection at a trial.  I was asking one girl who told me her name was Emiome what she thought the differences between the case we read today and the Beyoncé case were.  She began speaking but then asked me if Edward had just poked his head in looking for me.  I thought this was strange because I did not know this girl, could not pronounce her name correctly, and had no idea how she knew Edward.  Nevertheless, I turned around to look just as some man was leaving the room.  I couldn't tell if it was Edward or not, so I stepped out into the hall.  The man had not been Edward, but then I did see Edward walking down the hall in a huge crowd of people.  He told me that there was a hurricane warning and that school had been cancelled.  I went back to class, gave an assignment for next week, and dismissed the students.  I felt as if it had been a productive class session.





"Terrorized by a Friend"    09/02/04
My friend F came over to my high-rise apartment building.  She was carrying a large but narrow cardboard box.  I asked her about it as we got into the elevator to go up to my apartment.  That is when she told me that there were explosives in the box and that she was going to blow up me and the entire building.  She somehow attached the box to the elevator wall and handcuffed me to the box.  She got off the elevator and left, but told me if I warned anyone or asked for help that she'd detonate the explosives right away.  I realized that I should call for help anyway, but I was too afraid to use my cell phone.  I sent the elevator back to the first floor and managed to detach myself from the box.  My father got on the elevator when we reached the first floor.  I whispered to him what had just happened.  I suggested that he and I carry the box out of the building, but he said that might cause it to explode.  I was also worried that maybe F would see us doing this.  My father told me that we had to warn everyone to evacuate the building, so we had to call the police.  He and I left the building and he offered to call the police from my cell phone.  I felt terrified.  I didn't know why F would do something like this to me.